It's In Here
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: On a day out with Wendy and her family. Stan becomes the target of a very powerful force


Wendy was walking home with her boyfriend Stan.

Stan: So who won the fight?

Wendy: Nelly and Charlotte stopped fighting when Butters intervened.

Stan: So no one?

Wendy: Looks that way.

Stan and Wendy stopped walking when they got to her house.

Wendy: Um Stan.

Stan: Yes Wendy?

Wendy: Listen if you're not busy this weekend, I was wondering if you would like to come with me and my parents to The Uada Mountains? My parents have been wanting to meet you for a quite a while now and they saw this as a perfect opportunity.

Stan: You sure they'd wanna meet me? After all the times I've thrown up on you?

Wendy: You haven't done that for a while Stan. Although my Dad was pretty pissed off that he had to keep buying me new clothes for all the times you threw up on me.

Stan: So does your Dad hate me?

Wendy: No Stan, he doesn't. He just hates that you used to throw up on me. I told him all about you, despite a few flaws. He still thinks you're decent. Although he does prefer Token.

Stan: Oh. I'll come Wendy, just to try and get on your Dad's good side.

Wendy: Thanks Stan.

Wendy than gives Stan a small kiss on the cheek.

Stan: Anything for my girl.

Wendy: I'll see ya later.

Wendy went into her house.

Whilst Stan started to make his way to the bus stop to Tegridy Farms. He feels worried. What if her parents don't like him? What if he screws up? What if he throws up again?

He walked into Clyde on the way to the bus stop.

Clyde: Hey dude.

Stan: Oh, hey Clyde.

Clyde: You wanna join in for quick game of basketball?

Stan: No Clyde, I have to get home.

Clyde: Ok.

Stan: I'm going to join Wendy and her family tomorrow on a trip to the Uada Mountains.

Clyde: The Uada Mountains?

Stan: Yes Clyde.

Clyde: Oh dude you're fucked.

Stan: Huh?

Than Clyde disappears.

Stan: What The fuck? Clyde I can see you hiding behind a bush.

Clyde: No you can't.

Stan: Whatever Clyde.

Stan continues to walk to the bus stop.

The next day.

Tegridy Farms.

Randy was sitting down playing video games.

Randy: Hey Sharon, where's Stan?

Sharon: Oh Stan went to see his girlfriend and her family at The Uada Mountains.

Randy: Oh Good for him. Wait. What Mountains again?

Sharon: The Uada Mountains.

Randy: Oh shit!

Sharon: What?

Randy: Stan's fucked Sharon!

Sharon: Randy why is he fucked? Is it because you're worried it would end up like Get Out? I knew that movie would mess you up.

Randy: NO! The Uada Mountains!

Sharon: What about them?

Randy screams and runs out of the door.

Towelie: Hey Randy! Weren't we supposed to be making some more of the good shit? Hey Shelly, you wanna get high?

Shelly: No you stupid towel.

Towelie: You're a towel.

The Uada Mountains.

Stan was being dropped off by his Uncle Jimbo.

Stan: Thanks for the lift Uncle Jimbo.

Jimbo: My pleasure Stanley.

Ned: Don't forget to grab her by the pussy.

Jimbo slaps Ned on the back of his head.

Jimbo: Ned. He's trying to impress her parents remember?

Ned: Mmm I was only joking.

Stan: I'll see you later.

Jimbo: Alright Stan. And remember don't make us wait forever.

Stan: I won't.

Stan starts to walk, looking for Wendy and her family. Stan later does spot Wendy and a man with a blue shirt, black trousers and ginger hair and beard.

Wendy: Stan over here.

Stan walks over to Wendy and hugs her.

They stop hugging each other.

Wendy: Dad this my boyfriend Stan. Stan this is my Dad, Sean.

Sean: Well it's nice to meet you Stan.

Sean holds out his hand for Stan to shake. Stan nervously shakes his hand.

Stan: You too Sean.

Stan stops shaking Sean's hand.

Sean: Let's hope you're as good as Wendy says you are Stanley. Although the shirt is a little stupid.

Stan: Just call me Stan, Mr Testaburger.

Sean: Please Stan, call me Sean.

Wendy's Mom (Deborah) shows up.

Deborah: Sorry I've been long.

Wendy: Mom this is my boyfriend Stan. Stan this is my Mom, Deborah.

Stan holds out his hand for her to shake.

Deborah: Nice to meet you Stan. Sorry I can't shake your hand right now, been to the bathroom awful place. The taps weren't working.

Stan: So what's the plan?

Sean: Hold on we're just waiting for one more person.

Stan: Who else are we waiting for?

Sean: Just a friend of mine. Oh there he is.

Stan stood in awe as he saw who Sean's friend was. It was Keanu Reeves.

Stan: No way.

Wendy stood in awe as well.

Wendy: Dad you didn't tell me you were friends with Keanu Reeves.

Keanu: How's it going Sean?

Keanu than gave Sean a hug.

Sean: Great Keanu. How was the trip?

They stop hugging each other.

Keanu: It was fine. Apart from me seeing Mel Gibson running around in his underwear saying "Somebody fund Braveheart 2! Somebody fund Braveheart 2!".

Sean: Oh right. Anyway this is my wife Deborah, my daughter Wendy and Wendy's boyfriend, Stan.

Keanu: Nice to meet you little dude.

Keanu holds his hand out.

Stan still stood in awe.

Sean: Um Stan. Aren't you gonna shake his hand?

Keanu: It's fine Sean. That's how most people react when they see me. It's perfectly natural. So what's the plan?

Sean: Well we're planning to take a tour bus to learn about the history of the Uada Mountains, than we'll have a little stroll, than we'll stop and have some lunch, than another stroll and than at the end of the day we go home.

Keanu: Sounds excellent.

Keanu plays his air guitar.

Sean: Well what are we waiting for? Let's get on the bus.

Wendy, her family and Keanu started to make their way to the bus whilst Stan still stood in awe.

Wendy: Come on Stan.

Stan: Coming.

Meanwhile.

Randy was driving in his car to try and get to the Uada Mountains.

Randy: I know it's here somewhere.

A police officer comes to Randy's car and knocks on the glass.

Randy: What's the Officer Problem?

Police Officer: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Randy: I don't know.

Police Officer: Well you were going really slow.

Randy: No I wasn't. I'm driving at 50.

Police Officer: No you were driving at 5.

Randy: Prove it.

Police Officer: Did you even notice the big line of cars right behind you?

The Officer was right there was a big line of cars behind Randy.

Jimbo: Come on you bastard. I need to get hunting.

Randy: Sorry Jimbo. This guy is wasting my time. Look I'm in a bit of a rush, I need to get to The Uada Mountains to save my son.

Police Officer: Oh don't tell me you believe in that legend as well.

Randy: It's a really true legend Officer.

Police Officer: Are you high right now?

Randy: I may have smoked a joint whilst coming here.

Police Officer: So, you wanna save your son but you decide to get high first?

Randy: Yeah.

Jimbo: How long is this gonna take?

Randy: Shut up Jimbo!

Police Officer: What kind of a Dad are you?

The Uada Mountains.

Stan, Wendy, her family and Keanu Reeves made it to the tour bus.

Sean: Looks like the bus.

Stan's phone starts ringing.

Stan: Hold on a sec.

Stan answers his phone.

Stan: Hey Dad.

Randy: Son you need to get off those mountains now!

Stan: Why Dad?

Randy: Stan you're fucked if you don't get off those mountains!

Stan: Are you high Dad?

Randy: A little.

Stan hangs up.

Randy: Stan? Stan? Stan?

Wendy: Who was it Stan?

Stan: Just my Dad. He thinks there's something wrong with these mountains.

Wendy: Why?

Stan: I don't know.

The group enter the tour bus and sat down on their chosen seats.

On the bus, there were other passengers. PC Principal, Vice Principal Strong Woman, Father Maxi and a very familiar douche.

Stan sat next to Wendy, Sean sat next to Deborah, whilst Keanu sat next to the very familiar douche.

Keanu: Mr President?

Mr Garrison: No.

Keanu: Yes it is.

Mr Garrison: Well you're wrong. Did you vote for me?

Keanu: To be honest I voted for turd sandwich.

Mr Garrison: Get the fuck out of here.

Keanu got off his seat and sat next PC Principal.

Keanu: Is this seat taken?

PC Principal: No bro it's yours.

A tour guide entered the bus. It was Stephen Stotch.

Stephen: Alright everyone. How are we today? Good. My name is Stephen and I will be your tour guide, I will tell you a lot about the history of these mountains. Mr Crabtree will you set off?

Mr Crabtree: BE QUIET BACK THERE!

Stephen: Jesus Christ.

Mr Crabtree starts driving the bus.

Stephen: The Uada Mountains have a very famous history and urban legend.

Stan: Oh so that's why my Dad wanted me off the mountains.

Stephen: I will discuss the urban legend. Legend has it that there is a spirit of a little boy that died here. The little boy didn't talk a lot and usually copied people when they spoke. The little boy died when he fell off the mountains. Some people say they see his spirit and some people say he's possessed them and others say it's a bunch of horse shit.

Mr Garrison: Oh please.

Stephen: Excuse me?

Mr Garrison: Horse shit.

Stephen: Well that's your opinion Mr President.

Mr Garrison: You decided to discuss the urban legend first instead of the history. You do realise there are children at the back?

Stephen: Look Mr President if you just let me continue-

Mr Garrison: Continue what? More horse shit?

Stan: What was that?

Wendy: What Stan?

Stan: I don't know I just saw a black shadow.

Mr Garrison: See that child is terrified of the bull shit story you told. It's absolutely fake.

Stan: No I am serious I did see something,

Sean: Stan you sure you aren't making this up?

Stan: No!

Sean: Well keep your hallucinations to yourself ok?

Stan: Sean I-

Wendy: Stan just let it go. You do wanna get on my Dad's good side still don't you?

Stan: Alright Wendy.

Mr Garrison: Now if I hear anymore bullshit stories from this supposed tour guide than I am gonna nuke these mountains.

Strong Woman: Can somebody get this person off the bus?

Mr Garrison: Oh look. Some stupid skank who thinks she has a voice.

PC Principal: Mr President! If you insult this person again, I will kill you.

Mr Garrison: Do you have the guts to kill me PC Principal? Because after all, I am the president and the feds will be all over your ass.

Mr Crabtree: BE QUIET BACK THERE!

Suddenly the bus breaks down.

Stephen: Mr Crabtree, why have we stopped?

Mr Crabtree: I don't know.

Stephen: Alright folks there's gonna be a bit of a delay.

Mr Garrison: Good, I was getting bored of your nonsense.

Father Maxi: Can somebody kick him off?

Mr Garrison: I'm the President remember?

Strong Woman: But that doesn't give you the rights to insult everybody and be an ignorant, intolerable, sexist human being.

Mr Garrison: But I'm the President. And you women are just always whiney.

PC Principal: MICRO AGGRESSION!

PC Principal punches Mr Garrison in the face.

Keanu: Boy, this bus ride is more bogus than Speed.

Deborah: I can't believe he used to be your teacher Wendy.

Wendy: I don't believe it either.

Stan: I just saw it again.

Sean: Oh for god sake Stan!

Father Maxi: I am getting off this bus.

Everyone: Rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble!

Mr Crabtree: BE QUIET BACK THERE!

Everyone stopped rabbling.

Stephen: Thank you Vernon. Now it is best you all stay on the bus until help arrives. Me and Mr Crabtree will try and find help. I'm locking you all in.

Stephen and Mr Crabtree exit the bus.

Stephen locks the doors.

Mr Garrison: Seems pointless to lock us in.

Keanu: You may be a Giant Douche. But I totally agree with you.

Mr Garrison: And you should Keanu. And you should.

Father Maxi: What do we do now?

Sean: Why don't we wait here for a little while? See what happens.

Mr Garrison: Well I'm not waiting. I need to find a signal right now.

Stan: Why? You gonna get help?

Mr Garrison: No I need to tweet.

Stan starts to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Stan: Oh Goddammit!

About 25 minutes later.

Everyone on the bus was sitting down looking bored whilst Mr Garrison was busy tweeting.

Sean: Couldn't you just use that phone to call somebody?

Mr Garrison: I would. But this is the phone I use to post my tweets.

Stan: Well where's the phone to call somebody?

Mr Garrison: Caitlyn has it.

Strong Woman: Oh I hope the children are alright without us.

PC Principal: I'm pretty sure they're doing alright with the babysitter.

Meanwhile.

The babysitter was Mr Mackey and he wasn't doing alright. The PC babies were crying.

Mr Mackey: What will it take for you to stop? Mmkay.

The babies continue to cry.

Mr Mackey: Next time I babysit them, it's best if I don't say anything mmkay.

Meanwhile.

Back at the bus.

Keanu: Whoah.

Father Maxi: What?

Keanu: No I was just practicing my "whoas" for the next Bill and Ted movie. Whoah!

Wendy: Does anyone else have a phone we can use?

Stan: I can't get a signal on mine.

Deborah: How much longer are they gonna be?

Sean: Now everyone I think it's best that we be patient so that way-

Keanu: Whoah!

Sean: Keanu can you practice your "whoas" quietly?

Keanu: I wasn't practicing. I just saw something weird.

Stan: Was it black?

PC Principal: MICRO AGGRESSION!

Stan: I meant black as in a black shadow.

Sean: Oh come on Stan. Don't tell me you saw the black shadowy thing.

Stan: I did and maybe Keanu saw it as well.

Sean: That's horse shit Stan and you know it. Wendy told me about the things you did, stealing money from Mel Gibson, starting a bogus talent agency, destroying a damm, which was also our doing, holding baby cows hostage, refusing to vote and-

PC Principal: Enough! Obviously pointing fingers at each other isn't gonna solve anyone's problems, right now we need to save these accusations for another time right now we need to-

Suddenly there was a loud bang.

Father Maxi: What was that?

Keanu: Maybe it was the shadow?

Sean: Oh Keanu not you.

Keanu: I did see a shadow.

Stan: Told ya.

Sean: This is why I prefer Token. You get yourself into trouble all the time.

Wendy: Dad that's enough!

Another loud bang was heard.

Mr Garrison: Whatever it is, it's mean and pissed off. Maybe it has something to do with your anger Sean.

Sean: Oh come on Garrison, I was having a word with this young man for making up more horse shit. You abandoned my daughter at one point for a fucking start up company.

Deborah: Sean can we just leave this behind?

Sean: Not now Deborah!

Wendy: Dad. Stan has changed, alright? Sure we've had our ups and downs, but in the end we sort them out.

Keanu: You've raised such a bright daughter Sean.

Another bang was heard.

Sean: You called my daughter a bitch after your first break up, you started a protest during the Gender War which caused you to expose yourself!

Stan: I didn't know what to do!

Another bang was heard.

Mr Garrison: We really should get off the bus. Come on Keanu help us. You helped Sandra Bullock, although you should've left her behind for being a pain in the ass.

Keanu: What? I'm Keanu Reeves not that guy from Speed.

Sean: You insulted her at Mr Slave and Big Gay Al's wedding.

PC Principal: Watch your micro aggressions!

Strong Woman: Oh my god! I see it!

Sean: You made fun of Girls Volleyball which she was a part of. Stan I thought you were decent, but I realise you are just the biggest little shit I have ever met.

Wendy: DAD ENOUGH!

Suddenly the power went out.

Everyone: AAAAAAAHHHH!

Stan: Jesus Christ.

Father Maxi: I don't think he can hear us.

Mr Garrison: Sean, I didn't know your daughter was like Carrie.

Sean: Hold on I think the power's coming back.

The lights come back on.

Deborah: Is everyone alright?

Wendy: I'm fine Mom. Stan?

Stan: Yeah I'm fine.

PC Principal: I'm alright bros.

Mr Garrison: Is anyone gonna ask how I'm doing?

Keanu: Well you're a giant douche and I didn't vote for you.

PC Principal: Strong Woman? You alright?

Strong Woman just sat in silent.

Sean: Um Miss...Woman?

Strong Woman turns around and stares at them.

PC Principal walks up to her and bends down to his knees.

PC Principal: Strong Woman?

Strong Woman: Strong Woman?

PC Principal: Are you alright?

Strong Woman: Are you alright?

PC Principal: I'm fine.

Strong Woman: I'm fine.

Stan: Why is she copying you?

Strong Woman looks at Stan.

Strong Woman: Why is she copying you?

Sean: What's wrong with her?

Strong Woman looks at Sean.

Strong Woman: What's wrong with her?

Sean: This is insane.

Strong Woman: This is insane.

Father Maxi: Strong Woman, stop!

Strong Woman looks at Father Maxi.

Strong Woman: Strong Woman, stop!

Mr Garrison: She's copying everyone.

Strong Woman looks at Garrison.

Strong Woman: She's copying everyone.

Mr Garrison: This is gonna be fun.

Strong Woman: This is gonna be fun.

Mr Garrison: Hi I'm Strong Woman and I'm a bitch.

Strong Woman: Hi I'm Strong Woman and I'm a bitch.

Deborah: Stop it.

Strong Woman looks at Deborah.

Strong Woman: Stop it.

Wendy: I don't think she can.

Strong Woman looks at Wendy.

Strong Woman: I don't think she can.

Stan: She's going mad.

Strong Woman looks at Stan.

Strong Woman: She's going mad.

Everyone stopped talking.

PC Principal: Have you stopped?

Strong Woman just sat in silence.

Strong Woman: Have you stopped?

Stan and Strong Woman: This is the weirdest day of my life.

Stan stood in shock.

Stan and Strong Woman: How does she know what I'm about to say?

Sean and Strong Woman: I don't know.

Father Maxi and Strong Woman: She's probably possessed.

Mr Garrison and Strong Woman: Keanu, you've handled demons before, do something.

Keanu and Strong Woman: I'm not John Constantine. I'm Keanu Reeves.

Father Maxi and Strong Woman: Oh Jesus Christ, Oh lord. Vanquish the evil that is inside this harmless human being.

Wendy and Strong Woman: I think it's immune to exorcisms.

PC Principal and Strong Woman: Why are you referring to Strong Woman as "it" Testaburger?

Wendy and Strong Woman: Because whatever Strong Woman is doing it isn't her. It's something else.

Mr Garrison and Strong Woman: Wendy was always the brightest in my class so maybe she's right.

Stan and Strong Woman: Maybe she is possessed. Kyle's little brother was possessed by Michael Jackson once.

Sean: Is this something else you're making up?

Stan and Strong Woman: No I am not-wait, why didn't Strong Woman say the words that were coming out of your mouth Sean?

Sean: I don't know.

Wendy: Maybe Strong Woman's stopped.

Deborah: But Strong Woman did it with Stan just a second ago.

PC Principal: This is freaky bros.

Keanu: Whoah!

Mr Garrison: Bananas.

Everyone looks at Mr Garrison awkwardly.

Mr Garrison: Sorry.

Father Maxi: Maybe it wants Stan.

Stan and Strong Woman: Why does it want me?

Sean: Maybe you were right about the shadow. Since you were the first one who saw it. Maybe that's why it wants you.

Stan and Strong Woman: What do you want me to do?

Father Maxi: Just try and talk to it.

Mr Garrison: I say we throw her off the bus. Because she is insane.

PC Principal: There will be not any throwing anyone off this bus.

Mr Garrison: Fine. Go ahead Stanley.

Wendy: Stan. Be careful.

Stan and Strong Woman: I will.

Stan walks up to Strong Woman.

Stan and Strong Woman: Hello my name is Stan Marsh. What do you want? I've handled possessions before and I need to know what you want.

Stan and Strong Woman sat still for a second.

Stan and Strong Woman: Snap!...Cheesy Poofs...Toolshed...Star Trek...Live long and Prosper...Whatever it is you want. I might be able to help. If it's a body or a voice I can see what I can do. But you cannot go around stealing people's voices.

Suddenly Stan and Strong Woman froze.

Strong Woman: I think it's free.

Stan: I think it's free.

Strong Woman gets off her feet and turns to the others.

Sean: What about Stan?

Strong Woman: I think it's got him.

Stan: I think it's got him.

Wendy: Stan!

Strong Woman: It's too late.

Stan: It's too late.

Strong Woman: The thing that is inside Stan.

Stan: The thing that is inside Stan.

Strong Woman: Is too blame.

Stan: Is too blame.

Deborah: So he's possessed?

Strong Woman nods her head.

Wendy: Why isn't he copying us?

Strong Woman: I don't know.

Stan: I don't know.

Keanu: This is more intense than that time I saw a ghost.

Father Maxi: What do we do?

Mr Garrison: I say we throw him out.

Wendy: No! I won't let you do it.

Deborah: Maybe it's most reasonable thing to do.

Strong Woman: You're right Debbie.

Stan: You're right Debbie.

PC Principal: This is not how we're gonna do things.

Strong Woman: Come on PC Principal.

Stan: Come on PC Principal.

Strong Woman: It possessed me.

Stan: It possessed me.

Strong Woman: And now it's got Stan.

Stan: And now it's got Stan.

Strong Woman: You do want your revenge don't you?

Stan: You do want your revenge don't you?

PC Principal: I say we throw him out.

Wendy: No!

Keanu: I am not into throwing people off the bus. But I just have no choice.

Father Maxi: That demon has given us so much grief.

Mr Garrison: I totally agree.

Deborah: What about you Sean?

Sean looks at Wendy, who has a few tears coming out of her eyes.

Sean: I don't think I can go through with this.

Mr Garrison: Man up Sean. This is life and death we're talking about.

Father Maxi: Wait how do we know if we throw this thing out everything will be okay?

Mr Garrison: Because that thing was from the outside and it's going back outside. And plus it's because we're parked beside the edge of a cliff.

Deborah: Sean?

Mr Garrison: Because after all, you did call him a little shit.

Strong Woman: He's right.

Stan: He's right.

Strong Woman: Farewell demon.

Stan: Farewell demon.

Strong Woman: Live long and prosper.

Stan: Live long and Prosper.

Sean looks on in shock and has a sudden realisation.

Strong Woman: What are we waiting for?

Stan: What are we waiting for?

Strong Woman: Throw him out.

Stan: Throw him out.

Wendy: You can't do this! He's still Stan. He's in there.

Mr Garrison and Keanu Reeves pick Stan up by the legs.

Strong Woman: Live long and Prosper.

Stan: Live long and Prosper.

Sean walks up to Strong Woman picks her up and throws her out of the window. Falling down from the cliff.

Mr Garrison: What was that for?

Stan: Can you two let me go?

Keanu and Mr Garrison let go of Stan.

Wendy ran up to Stan and hugged him.

Wendy: I was scared I was gonna lose you.

Stan hugged her back.

Stan: It's ok I'm here.

PC Principal: Why did you throw Strong Woman out?

Sean: She was still possessed.

Father Maxi: How did you know?

Sean: Stan wasn't possessed. The demon was just trying to steal his voice to make it look like he was possessed, while the demon lived on in Strong Woman.

Mr Garrison: That's a pretty dumb theory.

Stan: Well I don't feel possessed. Does anyone else?

Everyone: No.

Stan continued to hug Wendy.

Sean: Stan. I'm sorry I kind of doubted you.

Stan: No. I've screwed up god knows how many times with Wendy. So it's me who deserves to apologise.

Sean: Well apology accepted, but could you accept my apology?

Stan: Sure.

Sean: You know what Stan? You're not a bad kid after all. And I'd be pretty lucky if you were my son-in-law in the future.

Stan: Thanks.

Stephen enters the bus.

Stephen: Sorry we've been long we-oh! Who threw Strong Woman out of the window?! Right! Tour's over we are turning this bus around.

They return to the entrance of the Mountains.

Everyone started to make their way home.

Wendy gave Stan a quick kiss before entering the car.

Sean: I'll see you around Stan. Listen if it ain't a big deal. Would you like a lift?

Stan: My uncle Jimbo should be here any minute.

Randy appears.

Randy: Stan!

Randy notices the Testaburgers.

Randy: Thanks for getting my son into danger Testaburger!

Sean: Randy Marsh? Wendy you didn't tell me Stan's last name was Marsh.

Wendy: I thought his last name wasn't a big deal with you.

Stan: Yeah. I'm sorry if I was raised by an idiot.

Randy: Hey I'm not an idiot.

Stan: Are you high Dad?

Randy: No.

Stan: Because you're looking at Keanu Reeves instead of me.

Keanu: No Stan. He's just been hypnotised by the awesomeness of the Reeves.

Randy: You went on a trip with Keanu Reeves? Why wasn't I invited?

Sean: See ya around Stan.

The Testaburger's car dove off straight home.

Randy: My Son is dating the Testaburger's daughter? Oh this is gonna be a laugh, wait till I tell Nelson.

The end.


End file.
